Before Bringing It Up: When and How AI Companions Should Use Memor
Abstract
Memory can sustain AI companionship, yet even accurate recollection can be inappropriate to use. Two rounds of formative interviews with 14 users (n = 6 exploratory, n = 8 memory-focused) motivate asking what a companion should consider before using past information. Eight themes inform Reconsider, a single-call procedure with five checks and four handling modes, evaluated on 80 scenarios across five models over 400 blinded within-model pairs. Two LLM judges favored Reconsider by net margins of +15 and +23 percentage points, with bootstrap intervals excluding zero for three of five models but not for GPT or Claude. Evaluator analysis linked judge scoring differences to model family, and a preliminary matched-guidance control isolating memory-specific content gave positive margins. We contribute an interview-grounded design framework for memory use and an evaluation that scrutinizes its own evaluators.
